The best memory that will give the best example of how I have experienced prejudice and bias is when I met my husband. I came from what most people would think of as "rich" neighborhood, a middle class family. My family was far from rich, but perception is sometimes the key to judgement. I was 16 when I met my husband and he came from a part of town that my family was horrified that I was in. His family was poor, his mom was raising 3 boys alone and was on welfare. To my family this was unacceptable. My mother did everything passable to keep me from him. Because he came from a different social class, my family thought he must be no good.
The feelings that this brought up for me was disappointment with my family, anger and I rebelled against them. I did not understand what the difference was. I realized that we were different and that is what made us so good together. My family was horrible to him and his family. I was sad for them when they were treated as if they weren't equals. Although my family seemed to have it all, believe me we were just as dysfunctional as many family's are. The difference is we put on a good show.
To this day, although my husband has proved himself over and over again my family still doesn't really accept him. They would need to change their understanding of diversity and culture and learn to embrace all types of people, before they would be able to get over prejudice. My husband has been a good provider and loves me and our children with everything he is. He can't seem to live down where he came from. I have learned alot from this and have never judged anyone my daughter or son have dated or been friends with.
I had never thought about this being a form of bias or prejudice before. But that is exactly what it is. Although my husband was not judged on his skin color, he was judged by his address. I am taken back by how my family could be this way. When I was young, my thoughts were they just wanted the best for me. Now I have a clear understanding that it was not about what was best for me, it was what was about what was best for them. My husband and I have been together for 25 years, he is my best friend! If I would have had that same prejudice I would never had the opportunity to find him.
I love that you had the courage to love the person you wanted to. How is your relationship with your parents now? I am sorry that a choice had to be made that affected your life with your parents. I wish you many more year of happiness with your husband. :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats to you and your husband for being together for 25 year, I aspire to have that one day:. You both have come through some adversity to be together but look where it has brought you, two children and twenty five long years of happiness, often times we have to make decisions for our happiness that affects others family and friends in ways that they do not understand and or agree too. It took great courage and strength for you to have made your decision and to have stuck by it.
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for many reasons. Sometimes it is so difficult to believe or understand that our own families can fall to being narrow minded and judgmental and prejudice. Yet, you are a different person. You can see beyond what others see. And that is a gift.
I am sure that throughout your 25 years of marriage you have had to encounter and stand up for your beliefs, your love and commitment to your husband. You too have done a great thing by not repeating those same social stereotypes and raising your own children to be smarter and look at life with an open mind.
I loved reading about your story about your devotion to your husband. I believe that people have and should be judged for not where they come from but who they become.
Millie
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this experience. It is a different twist on what happens in today's society. I am sorry this is what you had to go through and I hope things are better now. I am proud of you for standing up for what you knew was right despite the lack of support from your family. I know that is hard.
Take care,
Cortnee :)
I know has to be hard for you, because as children we try to value our parents opinion. But when mother nature strike with love she doesn't look at social background someone comes from but.
ReplyDelete